


A Troublesome Tune

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Lion King, just a dumb one shot, old request, soundrack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 14:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: This is a request I wrote from a few years ago combining our Tolkien setting with the soundtrack of The Lion King.





	A Troublesome Tune

“Oh, come on,” You moaned as you helped Thorin set up his tent, the dour king frowning as deeply as ever, “You need to cheer up.”

“This journey is not about cheering up,” He grumbled as he secured the last corner, “Once you understand that, perhaps you’ll be of some use.”

“Of use?” You put your hands on your hips, “How about I kick this thing over and let you set it up once more? By yourself?”

“I did not ask for your help,” He replied with a dull glare.

“No, you didn’t, I offered it out of the kindness of my heart,” You argued, “Because you need to lighten up, dude.”

“Dude?” He sneered at your foreign slang, as he did with most of your otherworldly jargon.

“Don’t worry, I’m not calling you names or anything,” You sighed with exasperation, “Go on and give us a smile.”

“No,” His grimace deepened stubbornly.

“Not even as a thanks,” You prodded with your own bright smile.

“Again, I did not ask for your help,” He replied monotonously before turning to lift the flap of his tent.

“I know, I know,” You called behind him begrudgingly before swiveling around and grumbling under your breath, “What a grumpy gus.”

“You’ll have to give up sooner or later, lass,” Bofur grinned at you warmly, you wished the king could be as happy as him, “He’s not the type.”

“Oh, he is,” You said with determination, “He’s just a big old teddy bear…deep, deep inside.”

“I think you’ll find that pit has not bottom,” Dwalin assured you, even he could find it within him to smile.

“Not even a thanks,” You rambled as you sat beside the fire, “I mean…aren’t kings suppose to be gentlemanly or something like that?”

“Not that king,” Fili chuckled from beside his brother.

“Wait…king…” You slowly smirked as the cogs in your head begin to turn, “Ahhhh.”

“Oh no,” Kili looked to you anxiously, “She’s thinking of another scheme.”

“Another scheme that won’t work,” Fili assured his brother confidently, “Though I am sure that’ll make it all the more entertaining.”

“Yes, a scheme…” You repeated menacingly, “I just need some time…and a few other things.”

* * *

“There is no way I am going along with this,” Fili argued as he read over the lyrics you had scribbled down, “Thorin will kill me.”

“You owe me,” You crossed your arms, “You can do this or I can go find some excrement for you to eat. I bet there are some well-sized bears somewhere around here.”

“Death or shit,” Fili grumbled causing you to smirk, “I cannot say which I prefer.”

“He won’t kill you anyhow,” You assured him as you reached below your pack and revealed the cloak you had managed to steal, “He’s not likely to leave his tent anytime soon. This is just for everyone else. God knows, they’re just as tired of the miserable dwarf as me.”

“Yes, but they have more reverence for kings than one such as yourself,” Fili frowned nervously.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You tied the fur-trimmed cloak around yourself and donned the crown you had made of twigs and grass, “Nevermind, we have a show to do.”

“Wait, how did you get Thorin’s cloak?” Fili’s eyes widened as he recognized your costume.

“I have my ways,” You smiled proudly, “He did leave his tent for about five seconds to speak with Balin, more than enough for me.”

“Mahal,” Fili shook his head, “You’re right. He won’t kill me. He’ll kill  _you_.”

“Well, maybe that will make him smile,” You shrugged off the truth of his words, “Either way, this is going to be great.”

“I should have known you would be nothing but trouble,” Fili crossed his arms as stretched out your shoulders, “And I’m the one who convinced him to let you stay.”

“Yes, well, we all make mistakes,” You smirked as you spread your hair across the furry collar, “Should I fashion a beard?”

“I think you’ve done more than enough,” Fili thinned his lips.

“Alright then,” You whipped your cloak around as you turned, “Let’s do this!”

You could hear Fili groaning reluctantly though he followed you without spoken protest and you braced yourself for your performance. You weren’t going to let a grouch like Thorin bring you down and the rest of the Company was just as worthy of your time. No doubt, they were growing as exasperated with the brooding king as you. Besides, what Thorin did not know could not make him grumpier.

“Ahem,” You cleared your throat loudly as you flourished your arms, “Introducing me!” You bowed slightly, “And my assistant Fili the Fluffy.”

“Assistant?” He grimaced at you, “Fluffy?!”

“Quiet, slave!” You chuckled before you continued, “I’m only kidding,” You assured him before you turned back to your now rapt audience, “We have come to entertain you! Because we’ve–”

“Hmm,” Fili cleared his throat with a warning look.

“Fine, I have noticed that some people around here are rather down,” You smiled, “And they’re kind harshing the flow.”

“What?” Dwalin looked to Balin perplexed.

“She’s going to give us a show,” Bofur explained eagerly, “Go on, lass!”

“Thank you, Bofur,” You shot him a finger gun and he shook his head with a chuckle, “Without further ado!”

You took a breath and closed your eyes a moment before you found your energy and came alive with the old song which dragged you back to you childhood. This was for Mufasa.

_I’m gonna be a mighty king, So enemies beware!_

You began in a lively tone, sweeping around the rather large cloak before pointing to Fili and giving him his cue.

_Well, I’ve never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair._

He sang the words reluctantly though it was enough to keep you going.

_I’m gonna be the mane event, Like no king was before._

You tossed your hair with exaggeration as you sang.

 _I_ ’ _m brushing up on looking down,_

You imitated Thorin’s famous sneer.

_I’m working on my roar!_

You nearly leapt at Fili before he said his line, this time with a little more enthusiasm.

_Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing._

_Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!_

You replied with vigour as you jived to your imaginary orchestra, the rest of the Company seemed rather pleased so far.

_You’ve rather a long way to go, Young master, if you think–_

Even Fili seemed to be enjoying himself the more you got into, no doubt reminded of his uncle.

_No one saying, “Do this.”_

You crossed your arms as you gave another Thorin like look to your co-star.

_Now when I said that, I–_

_No one saying, “Be there.”_

_What I meant was–_

_No one saying, “Stop that!”_

_Look, what you don’t realize–_

_No one saying, “See here.”_

_Now see here!!_

Fili had done his role justly and you were now traipsing around like the regal dwarf you were imitating.

_Free to run around all day_

_Well, that’s definitely out._

_Free to do it all my way!!_

You nearly lost it as you saw Dwalin’s amused smile and you were glad he was getting your humour at last; he likely knew Thorin’s majestic misery better than any.

_I think it’s time that you and I arranged a heart to heart._

_Kings don’t need advice from little hornbills for a start._

_If this is where the monarchy is headed. Count me out! Out of service, out of Erebor! I wouldn’t hang about! This dwarf is getting wildly out of wing._

_Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!_

You spun around as you used the cloak in the motion only to come face to face with the very person you were pretending to be. You had not seen or heard him leave his tent and yet there he was, looking rather dangerous. A deathly silence overtook the Company who had only moments before been holding back chuckles and your breath hung in the air.

_Everybody look left._

You pointed to the left as you stepped back.

_Everybody look right._

You gestured right as you did your kingly strut backwards, hoping to keep Thorin from trying to trounce you until you got a fair distance on him.

_Everywhere you look I’m standing in the spotlight!_

You took in a breath as if you were about to continue with your grand finish but instead you turned abruptly and ran past the line of dwarves on your other side. Thorin’s cloak billowed behind you heavily nearly hindering your escape into the trees and you had never sprinted faster in your life. You wove in between trees, your improvised crown flying off your head as you ducked behind a thick tree, you chest burning.

You bent over in your poor hiding spot as you tried to regain your breath and listened for any movement. A squirrel had you sure you were about to meet your royal punishment and a breeze sent a shiver up your spine which had nearly turned into a shriek. You inhaled deeply as you assured yourself that your mind was jumping to the worst conclusions and that Thorin was probably still back at camp, sitting in the same old state of gloom.

“You know,” Thorin’s deep voice brought forth the scream you had stifled before, though it came out as little more than a squeak, “You could have merely asked for my cloak.”

“Oh,” You crinkled your brow with doubt, “And you would have given it freely?”

“No,” He answered and smiled, the gesture was all you had ever wanted from him and yet it was terrifying, “And I won’t be asking for it back.”

“Here,” You nearly ripped off the heavy fur-trimmed garment and held it out, “I’m sorry.”

“I would not have given it to you, though I would have let you borrow it,” He offered as he pushed it back towards you.

“What?” Your voice went a little higher than you intended, “But—what? You didn’t even want me helping you with your tent.”

“No, I never said that,” His smile grew and you were even more confused, “I merely never asked for you to.”

“Wow,” You sighed, “You are the most contrary person I have ever met.”

“I am not contrary,” He grinned back at your dry expression.

“Right, I see,” You put your hands on your hips, “Now you’re messing with me.”

“It’s so easy,” He chuckled.

“If I knew that was all it would take for you to wipe the frown from your face,” You rolled your eyes, “I would have voiced my irritation sooner.”

“You needn’t say it,” He assured as he stepped closer, “I can see it in your eyes. The little wrinkle that forms right here,” He touched his finger to the frown line which had begun to form on your forehead, “And here,” He touched the corner of your nose, which you crinkled when you were annoyed, “And here,” His finger brushed across your lips and you inhaled sharply, the heat of the moment hitting you like a blast from a furnace.

“You’re evil,” You frowned without thinking and he smiled again.

“Exactly,” His eyes never left your face as his hand ran lightly down your cheek and to your neck, sending goosebumps across your flesh, “That’s the look.”

You wrinkled your brow in further confusion but could produce no coherent thought, though it would not have mattered as Thorin’s kiss kept you from delivering the gibberish reply which was bubbling within. Your eyes widened in realization as you let yourself soften against the touch of the lips and you were soon kissing him back.

You tried to figure out how the night had taken such a turn and yet all thoughts flew out of your head before they could form. You stood flabbergasted and overjoyed before finally reining in your senses and pulling away for a breath.

“So…” You said awkwardly, squirming under Thorin’s intent gaze, his hand still cradling your neck, “You didn’t like my show?”

“I loved it,” His rare smile returned before he kissed you once more and you tried to decided which Disney song you would sing the next night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Tumblr: September 30, 2015


End file.
